The Sorrows of Young Draco
by Rebecca2
Summary: this is a parody of the opera "Werther" by Massenet, and you may not get this if you don't know opera, but it's really funny!


"The Sorrows of Young Draco"  
  
Okay, I know that probably there are very few opera aficionados in the Harry Potter crowd, but I just got back from a wonderful performance of Massenet's opera "Werther" based on the novella by Goethe and I absolutely fell in love with the GORGEOUS tenor who played Werther (David Miller . . . what a hottie! And he went to the college where I'm going! It's fate!) so I kind of have opera on the brain right now and I thought it would make for a cute parody. And for those of you who gag at the thought of a Hermione/Draco relationship, I thought it fitting for this because even though I love Herm/Draco stories, I admit that the relationship makes no sense whatsoever, and "Werther", being the romantic drivel that it is, makes no sense either, so it works perfectly!  
  
And now for my favorite part of everyone fan fiction . . . the disclaimer!  
  
Disclaimer: "The Sorrows of Young Werther" belongs to Goethe, "Werther" the opera belongs to Massenet (but they're both dead, so they're kind of in the public domain now), Harry Potter and the gang belong to J.K. Rowling, and David Miller the gorgeous tenor is MINE!!!! MUAHAHAHAHA! oh wait, no he's not. Dammit!  
  
Cast:  
Werther: Draco  
Charlotte: Hermione  
Sophie: Ginny  
Albert: Ron  
Bailiff: Harry  
Johann: Fred  
Schmidtt: George  
The sweet, innocent little Children: the 1st years  
  
_(Act 1: After a stirring and romantic overture, the curtain rises to reveal the Gryffindor common room at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Harry, a seventh year, is leading a group of wide-eyed first years in song while Ginny sits nearby.)_  
**Harry:** Come my sweet, innocent children! We must practice for the end of the year celebration! Come, let us begin again.  
**Children:** _(singing loudly and out of tune) _Hogwarts! Hogwarts! Hoggy Warty Hogwarts, Teach us something please . . .   
**Harry:** No, no, no! You can do better than that! Again! _(begins to conduct the children in an overblown and comical manner)_  
**Children:**_ (singing much better this time)_ Hogwarts! Hogwarts! Hoggy Warty Hogwarts, Teach us something please, Whether we be old and bald or young with scabby knees . . .  
_(in comes Fred and George)  
****_Fred: Harry! Isn't it a little early to be practicing for the end of the year celebration?  
**Harry: **Oh Fred, you know how hard it is to teach children to sing! It is more difficult than teaching them Transfiguration!  
**George: **Harry, will you join us for a drink at the Three Broomsticks? Hermione and Ron are going to the party, are they not?  
**Harry: **Hermione is, yes, but Ron is still in the infirmery. He has still not recovered from his fall in last Saturday's Quidditch game.  
**Fred:** Well you must join us anyway. Draco, you know, is such a sorry excuse for good company.  
**George:** Yes, he is never cheerful!  
**Fred:** And he doesn't know how to drink!  
**Harry: **My friends, I cannot leave the children here!  
**Fred:** _(under his breath, spoken) _Harry, what are you talking about? It's not like these are your children or anything.  
**Harry: **_(spoken) _Yes but otherwise the opera doesn't work! Just play along, will you?  
**Fred:**Right, right, of course!  
**George: **Well, we are off. Please join us later.  
**Fred: **Yes, and we will drink to our heart's content! Hahahah!  
**George:** Hahahaha!  
**Fred & George:**_ (walking off stage) _Hahahaha!  
**Harry:** _(to Ginny)_ My dear Ginny, we must check on Hermione. She should be preparing for the party.  
**Ginny:** Yes. Poor Hermione, she so longed to go to the party with her boyfriend, Ron!  
**Harry:** Yes, but everyone is expecting her, and she can't disappoint them by not showing up.  
_(They disappear with the Children up to the girl's dormitory. Draco appears suddenly.)  
****_Draco: _(to the Fat Lady)_ Please let me in!  
**Fat Lady:** Why should I? You don't have the password. You're not even a Gryffindor!  
**Draco: **You have to let me in! It's part of the opera!  
_(The Fat Lady grumbles, but the portrait swings open, allowing Draco to enter.)_  
**Draco: **This room. This place. It is so beautiful and pleasant. I feel at peace here, even though I am a Slytherin and it makes no sense for me to be here, just as it makes no sense for Werther to show up at Charlotte's house in the opera, but still, I feel a natural draw to this place. Where nature is at one with the earth . . .  
**Fat Lady: **Okay Draco, that's enough Romantic drivel for one aria.  
**Draco: **Well I have to keep singing until I hear the Children!  
_(The Children can be heard singing upstairs.)_  
**Draco: **Ah, children! They are so sweet and innocent and pure! They symbolize nature's purity and joy . . .  
**Fat Lady: **_(speaking under her breath in a warning voice)_ Draco . . .  
**Draco: **Well, what do you expect? This is Goethe!  
_(Harry, Hermione, Ginny, and the Children suddenly appear and Draco quickly hides in the shadows. Hermione is dressed for the party. She begins to distribute food to the Children, which they gratefully take from her. Draco watches, entranced.)_  
**Draco:** Look at her! I don't think I have ever seen Hermione this way before! Look at the way the children adore her. She feeds them from her own hands. I have never seen such beauty, such innocence, such harmony with nature . . .  
**Fat Lady: **_(groans quite audibly)_  
**Draco: **Sorry Fat Lady.  
**Fat Lady: **Quite all right, just don't let it happen again.  
**Harry: **Hermione, you must hurry or you will be late for the party.  
**Hermione:** Yes Harry, but first I must feed the children. You know they will only allow me to serve them.  
**Draco: **_(still hiding, completely enrapture)_ Oh, sweet rapture!  
_(Draco suddenly comes out of the shadows and Harry sees him.)  
****_Harry: Draco! Well met! It is a good thing you are here. Hermione needs someone to escort her to the party.  
**Draco: **Are you asking me, your enemy for seven years who has on countless occasions insulted you and all of your friends, including the ravishing Miss Granger, to take the said Hermione to a party?  
**Harry: **Well, yes.  
**Draco: **Okay, sure!  
**Hermione: **Shall we go, Draco? _(she hurries ahead of him. Draco, still enraptured by her beauty and by the Children's devotion to her, follows.)  
****_Ginny: Now, Harry, you should go join Fred and George at the Three Broomsticks.  
**Harry: **And leave you alone with the children? Never!  
**Ginny: **Okay Harry, this unatural attachment you have with the children is a little scary.  
**Harry:** Well so is the entire Romantic movement.  
**Ginny: **Good point.  
**Harry: **But I shall go anyway! My friends expect me! And anyways, getting drunk with friends is much more fun than hanging out with these boring kids.  
_(He leaves. Ginny sends the children inside and is just about to go in herself when Ron bursts in the door.)_  
**Ron: **Ginny!  
**Ginny:** Ron! You're back! We didn't realize you would return tonight.  
**Ron:** I wanted to surprise Hermione. She is in, isn't she?  
**Ginny: **No, I'm afraid she's already left.  
**Ron: **Did she miss me?  
**Ginny: **She spoke of you all the time.  
**Ron: **Three days is a long time.  
**Ginny: **Ron, you were only in the infirmery. She came to visit you every day.  
**Ron: **Yes, well, being in a full body cast makes visits seem much shorter and further apart. Luckily, Madame Pomfrey just remembered that she knew of a quick remedy that heals full body fractures in five minutes.  
**Ginny: **Oh! How . . . lucky.  
**Ron: **Yes. Now shall we go inside and wait for Hermione to return, because this scene is rather boring and I know the audience would much rather watch a passionate love scene between Hermione and Draco than watch us discuss my Quidditch injuries.  
**Ginny: **What a great idea, Ron! I'm so glad you're back!  
_(They go inside. Time passes. This can be shown either by waiting several hours with the orchestra playing one very long, low, sustained note, such as that mind-numbingly boring scene in "Madame Butterfly" in which Butterfly awaits Pinkerton's return, or it may be shown by Harry walking across the stage carrying a sign that reads "Time Passes" like in pro-wrestling matches in which bikini-clad women walk across the stage carrying signs announcing the round. However, the author suggests the Harry not be clothed in a bikini.)  
****_Harry: _(from offstage) _Hey!  
_(Anyway, time passes, and Draco and Hermione return to the Gryffindor common room arm in arm. Draco is still gazing at her adoringly and Hermione seems very pleased with his attentions. While the orchestra plays romantic, saccharine sounding music, Draco and Hermione stand center stage, gazing deeply into each other's eyes. Draco leans in to kiss Hermione, but Hermione quickly pulls away.)  
****_Hermione: I think it is time to say goodnight.  
**Draco: **Hermione, I feel as though my life has just begun, as though if I could be by your side forever and forever look into your eyes . . .  
**Hermione:** Okay Draco I get the point.  
**Draco: **_(sighing) _Why doesn't anyone like to listen to my romantic and heart felt musings of love?  
**Hermione:** Because it's mind-numbing drivel, Draco.  
**Draco: **Oh.  
**Hermione:** But I still find myself oddly attracted to you.  
**Draco: **Hermione, I love you.  
**Hermione: **Draco, you don't even know me!  
**Draco:** My soul knows your soul!  
_(The entire cast groans.)_  
**Draco:** Hey, that was actually in the opera! I didn't make that up!  
**Hermione: **Draco, why do you love me?  
**Draco:** Why? Why do I love you? How can I explain the beating of my heart, the desires of my soul and the rapture . . .  
**Hermione: **Just try, Draco.  
**Draco:** Well, I liked the way you served the children their bread.  
**Hermione:** Excuse me?  
**Draco:** The children's love for you demonstrates your innocence and how in touch you are with nature and emotions!  
**Hermione:** _(aside)_ Even if he is a romantic fool, I am still drawn to him!  
**Draco:** Hermione, let me kiss your soft, inviting lips . . .  
_(they embrace and are about to kiss when Harry suddenly appears. They instantly move away from each other.)  
****_Harry: Hermione, quick, come upstairs! Ron is back! _(he leaves)_  
**Draco: **Ron?  
**Hermione:** Yes Draco, Ron. You know, Harry's best friend, he's gone to this school for 7 years . . .  
**Draco: **Yes, but obviously Harry told you that Ron was back for a reason! Otherwise the plot of this opera would go no where and it wouldn't be a tragedy!  
**Hermione:** Oh yeah. I almost forgot. Ron is my boyfriend. My fiance, actually.  
**Draco:** _(in shock)_ Fiance?  
**Hermione:** Yes, sorry about that. I just got caught up in the cheesy romantic music and your heart felt romantic drivel. I promised my dead mother that I would marry Ron . . .  
**Draco:** You have a dead mother?  
**Hermione:** _(ignoring Draco)_ and now I have promised myself to Ron. Bye!  
_(Hermione runs upstairs. Draco turns to face the audience. The music swells.)  
****_Draco: _(in agony) _She belongs to another!  
_(The music reaches a dramatic crescendo and Draco falls to his knees as the curtain falls.)_  
End of Act I  
  
Hehe, is anyone still awake? Seriously though, if you've seen the opera and you know anything about the Romantic movement, this is seriously funny stuff. I'll be back with Act II soon. In the meantime, please read my song parodies and the first 2 chapters of my story, "Mission Impossible: Operation Hogwarts". Oh and if you're really confused and want a summary of the opera "Werther", please e-mail me. And if you are David Miller, PLEASE e-mail me!  



End file.
